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You’re sitting in front of your comp. And forwarding a joke to your friends. You smile to yourself even as you’re sending the joke. You can imagine your friends smiling too. Guess one of them does. Coz he replies immediately “Good one, pal!”. You’re not the one who made up the joke, but you almost feel as if you did. Ah, that makes you open many of the unread mails in your inbox. You find many nice jokes in those. Very soon you have a cleaned up inbox. What an accomplishment! Something you had planned for the last one week is finally over.
You open the door only to find two leaking milk packets at your feet. The milkman sucks.. is what you would have normally said. Not today. Not now. You’re in too good a mood to get mad at him. You decide to spare your wife of the agony as well. You want to give her break. Let’s give her a surprise, you think. You hate making tea, but today is different. You make tea and toast the bread as well. Which wife wouldn’t want a husband who does that? An early morning thank you kiss is all you need to keep going.
You haven’t been going to the gym all month. Too much of work you see. Not today. Just do it, you say. “I’m doing it and I’m doing it NOW.” The gym is one busy place. The hunks, the babes, the nerds, the dudes, they’re all there. Workouts are tiring. That’s what you feel – till you see that huge guy who looks at least 8-10 pounds lesser! You saw him when you came to the gym last month, didn’t you? Wow, what a change! It keeps you going. You put in that extra 20 minutes. Ah, now your metabolism’s up and so is your spirit. A nice cold shower is all you need.
What a fresh feeling! Out comes your special deo. Now you smell good too. A quick polish to your shoes. A crispy linen shirt. And a bold red tie. Office is an hour away. The suburban train’s crowded as usual. And stinks too. But it doesn’t bother you. You’re feeling way too good to let it. The 45 minute ride is over in an instant. Thank you iPod, you say as you head for office.
It looks like something’s different. Everyone seems to be in a good mood. Including your boss! And there are two thank you notes on your desk as well. Wow, that feels good. It’s not that your work life isn’t stressful. Sometimes it’s killing! Not today. Today is different. That big ugly job you procrastinated on, all of last week gets over in a jiffy. So do the three other things you had planned to complete “next week”. You bump into the M.D. at lunchtime. He tells you you’re wearing a smart shirt! You suddenly feel the expensive linen was worth it!
Strangely you finish your work on time today. And you leave at 6 o’clock. Just as planned. Wife’s meeting you at the supermarket you see. Your nine year old son’s lost the raincoat you bought him last week.. and he needs a new one rightaway! “It happens” you say. “Chill” you tell him, even as he seems a bit surprised!
The evening turns out to be as fabulous as the day so far. Video games at the mall. Some fresh, vegetarian food for a change. Some healthy, corn salad. An unusual peace in the house is what you sense. Your son’s actually behaving well, your wife’s only telling you the good things that happened to her today, you even get time to read one more chapter of the novel you started reading.
It’s now time to check the inbox one more time before you retire to bed. Nothing like a clean inbox and just the one new mail. A joke it is. One that really tickles you. You feel good, just how you’ve felt all day. What a wonderful day it was! Wonder what made it so wonderful?
As you fall asleep, it dawns upon you in your sub-conscious. It wasn’t the day that was different. It was you.
Inertia is a BAD word. It can wreak havoc in your life. Sometimes getting out of bed and wearing your jogging shoes can seem to be the most difficult thing to do in life. Yet one day you are able to move yourself out of lethargy. You not only wear your shoes, you actually go for a 20 minute walk too. That day and the next day and the next day! You feel delighted. A sense of accomplishment engulfs you. The mega business order you bagged the previous week pales in comparison to the significance of this achievement! You tell yourself.. now only if I could continue this tomorrow and the day after and.. forever. And then disaster strikes!
The rain clouds appear out of nowhere. Or you sprain your leg. Or maybe you’re sent off on a week-long outstation tour. And you say.. “NO! After great difficulty I had gotten into this good routine and now it’s being disrupted even before I started following it properly! Maybe the morning walk won’t work out for me.. the evening gym routine is better..”. And guess what? You have to wait for another few months before you get into the evening routine!
Sounds familiar? Why is it that nature doesn’t seem to help us when we are all determined to change? It happens to us all the time doesn’t it? With great resolve, you decide to go on a diet and the next day you get an invitation for a mega party, one where you know the desert spread itself could send you into nirvana!
You’re a housewife and you finally decide you’ve got to get more active on Facebook and stay connected with your online friends. Barely a day after you start the routine the computer conks off. You decide that from today you’ll control your temper and be more calm and just then some bloke comes and does something so stupid that you find every reason to lose your cool and blow up on him!
You’ve heard change is difficult and now you understand why. You had probably bargained for your inability to fight inertia but didn’t factor in nature opposing every step of change you wanted to take. You feel helpless and tell yourself “This is unfair. I want to change and I can.. if only nature didn’t resist it so badly”. Worse still you decide to be happy with status quo “There’s no point” you feel, “I did give it a try, but things are not working out. Maybe I’ll try again some other day.”
Life is funny, isn’t it? And it doesn’t always seem fair either. Especially when it comes to change. As if it isn’t difficult enough to get into the change mindset, now nature wants to play spoilsport by resisting that change.
Your best bet is to accept this as another law of nature. And instead of labeling yourself as ‘unfortunate’, believe that the Universe has no prejudices against you. In fact the Universe itself is constantly changing. The world around us is a different place every second. Why would the Universe want to stop you from changing?
It wouldn’t. All it’s doing is testing you. Checking the strength of your resolve. Provoking you. Challenging you. Asking you if the change you seek is superficial or genuine. Assessing if you can endure the bigger challenges that lie ahead. Questioning your determination and shaking you up in the process.
The Universe wants a student that is ready. Whether you are or are not depends on how you respond to the resistance nature throws at you. You give up and it concludes that you’re not ready yet. It’s up to you to show the Universe how badly you want to change. If it rains, are you determined to replace your walk with an indoor workout? When you’re on a diet are you capable of turning down the party invitation or better still going for it and consciously skipping the heavy desert?
Yes, when you decide to change it will be a tug of war. Between you and Life. It may initially seem that Life has the upper hand. It is true that when you fight with Life, Life always wins. But remember, here the Universe is just playing a small game with you. It’s just pretending to be tough. Just stay put, remain focussed and very soon you’ll realize the resistance has disappeared and the process of change becomes so smooth you don’t even feel you’ve got to make any great effort.
You perhaps face these challenges everyday. The tug of war between you and the Universe is constantly on. Most of it is subconscious. And if you’re one of those busy stressed out people you probably won’t even pause and figure out what’s happening. All you’ll remember is that you kept trying different things and some things worked out and some things didn’t.
Next time you try something different, anticipate resistance. Be prepared for it. When the Universe resists, laugh it off. Pooh-pooh it! Don’t feel frustrated or angry or helpless. Feel amused instead. Put in that extra effort at staying put. Figure out your own way of tackling that resistance, consciously. Whatever you do, break the pattern of your usual thinking. If you can, enjoy the tug of war!
You do that, and this time you’re sure to win.. for a change!
Look.. for the right job. Look.. for the right product. Look.. for the right relationship. Look here. Look there. Is life all about looking around? When will you stop looking and start doing?
You know what, sometimes it’s more exciting, when you have a good look.. RIGHT AFTER you’ve done something! So what if you end up saying “Look! What a mess I’ve created!” No problem. The world will respect you more for creating a mess and learning from it, than just fooling around watching other people create their mess!
True, life’s more unpredictable this way, you don’t know what might hit you! Well, you won’t know what might hit you anyway and life will always be unpredictable anyway, whether you look or you don’t. So why not skip the ‘looking’ part and straightaway cut to the ‘doing’ part? At least you’ll free up more time to DO more things!
Sure, when you just jump into something without really looking hard, you risk hurting yourself and making mistakes. But at least you’ll stop spinning around like a roulette wheel. And get down to making mistakes. And as long as you don’t hurt an arm and a leg, any mistake is worth making!
There is this ugly thing you may have heard of. It’s called ‘Procrastination’. It’s a more accurate way of expressing what you’re doing when you’re looking.. and looking. Looking for the right shoe to buy.. before you start jogging. Looking for the right gym to join.. before you start exercizing. Looking for the right day.. before you start Yoga. And when that habit bites you, you’ll realize that a month has passed away and you’re still looking.. and looking.
You might say, you need a little motivation before you start doing things. Till then you’d prefer looking. You need some adrenaline to get going. Right?
WRONG! You get the adrenaline by DOING, not by thinking. You DO things first and THEN you get excited about them. Let’s say you’ve been wanting to wash the car and vacuum clean it too! And you’re not too excited about the prospect. How do you get yourself to do it? Simple. DO IT! Don’t think. Don’t wait for the weather to be just right. Doing it will give you the energy. Doing it will break the inertia. Doing it will build the momentum. Doing it will give you the motivation to KEEP DOING IT!
Let’s say all you want to do is take your family out for a special dinner. But you don’t know where to take them. The choices are too confusing! There are over 25 places to choose from and they’re all over town. And they’re all very good! And you still don’t know if it’s better to do this next weekend or this weekend! Use the golden rule. Stop thinking. Stop looking. And START DRIVING! Just keep driving. As you drive you’ll start feeling good about the plan. And the place you’re going to spend the evening at will just emerge!
Or maybe you want to ask your classmate out for a date. And you’re thinking.. Should I? Should I not? Should I.. The roulette wheel begins! And before you realize, you would’ve thought of a hundred different ways of approaching her. Forget it Dude! Don’t think. Don’t rehearse. Just dial her number! She comes on the line.. just blurt your heart out.. spontaneously! There are only two things that can happen. Either you would’ve just hit it out with her. Or you’ll have one less way of approaching someone for your next date.
When we were in school, we were taught something else “Look before you leap!”. Sure, suit yourself! In real life we learn teamwork is indispensible. In school, they called that cheating. In real life mistakes are invaluable to learning. In school we were penalized for making them. Most exams in school were based on how well we memorized the answers and the methods to solve the problem. Real life on the other hand is one big open book exam! School did teach us a lot of valuable things, but sometimes it helps to improvise on that learning and also learn from what the Classroom of Life has to teach us.
Just remember one thing. Life is always a Win Win game. Always! You do something. It works out. YOU WIN! You do something. It fails miserably. You become wiser. YOU STILL WIN!
Where does the looking part really fit into Life? I don’t understand! Tell me, if you know. Honestly, that’s the only thing I’m looking for..
Why is it that some people are always cribbing about lack of time and there are others who seem to have it in abundance? They say people who crib about lack of time are actually disorganized, inefficient, lazy. I thought – shouldn’t it be the other way round? People who have lots of time probably have it because either they have nothing to do or are actually disorganized, inefficient and lazy and are not doing what they’re supposed to be doing!
In fact I went one step ahead – I felt God ought to give the first group MORE time to finish the things they want to do. Like maybe an extra hour every day. Isn’t that a pretty fair thing to expect? Ya, they are the ones who are working hard. And they could do with some extra time. They need it Man! Believe me, I even know what these people need more time for.. I happen to be one of them!
To begin with, I definitely need 10 more minutes to sleep. And I’m always late for meetings – strangely every time by about 15 minutes. And when dinner is served I usually need at least 5 more minutes to finish work and shut down the Laptop. And hey, I forgot – what about the extra 10 minutes I need to finish my game of Sudoku! Thank goodness I remembered that! Now let’s see – that’s forty minutes in my case, but I think an extra hour is pretty reasonable to expect.
And never mind those people who say that nobody has ‘less’ or ‘more’ time and that everyone gets exactly twenty-four hours a day, nothing more, nothing less. I KNOW THAT! That’s exactly why I’m asking for an extra hour.
Guess what? I already discussed this proposal with God. And he told me “Are you nuts? That’ll be an HR nightmare!”. It was impractical, he thought. He said, what about the folks who need, like an extra day every month? And those who need an extra month, every year? They’ll all start making demands too, won’t they? It’ll never stop there either!
So I asked God, if there was an alternate solution. And he said, there is one which a lot of people use. And that is to stop fooling yourself into thinking that you have no time to do something and start accepting that you don’t actually want to do that thing. And then the next step being to DECIDE to not do that thing, rather than crib about not being able to do it. I tried that, the next time I felt the lack of time.
It was my daughter’s birthday. She was turning two and we were supposed to decorate the house with typical party decoration material for a birthday party that evening. At first I thought – “I need to finish preparing this presentation today; I don’t really have the time to put up all this decoration!” Then I rephrased it. “I want my daughter’s birthday party to be really fun, but I consider finishing my presentation far too important to inconvenience myself by taking a break and putting up the decoration.”
And that really showed me how much I was bullshitting myself. That pause to think, that comparison helped me understand my priorities. And I’m not saying your child’s birthday has to be more important than your work. I think it’s perfectly fine if you choose to spend time doing your official work all day on such an occasion. As long as you’re actually doing the work. And you think it is really important. There’s no golden rule there. You know best what you want to do with your time.
What’s important is to not pretend to be busy, in your mind. And not kid yourself into believing that there is something called a shortage of time. And please don’t say that you don’t have time to pray to God! I’m telling you that’ll really upset HIM!
Just say “I want to pray to God, but I’m choosing to skip the routine because I consider at least a hundred other things (like playing Sudoku) more important to be done in that time.” Or whatever you think is the reason. I think HE’ll be fine with that.
Next time someone asks you ‘Do you have brains?’, tell them you have THREE of them. Yes you really do. We all have three brains, one in the head, one in the heart and one in the gut. No kidding! It’s a proven fact of neurological science. And it’s also proven that the brains in the heart and the gut are far more powerful than the one in the head!
What that tells me is that I need to use my head less often. Ah, what a relief! Have you ever faced a situation where you’ve thought and thought.. and thought and thought.. and the more you thought, the more confused you got? And you concluded.. “My brains are just not working!” Well, maybe the problem was not with the brain. Maybe, you just used the WRONG one.
I was fascinated when I read about the three brains’ theory. But then there was a bigger problem. How do you know when to use which brain? I mean… you’ll still need to use ONE of the three brains to decide WHICH of the three brains is best suited to handle a particular kind of decision!!! To be honest, I really don’t know the answer. But I definitely do know, and believe, that I have THREE brains, TWO of them are more powerful than the third (and are mostly underused) and the use of each ONE of them (and sometimes all of them together) will help me live up to my true potential.
The best thing about our mind (Whew! Another abstract concept!) is that it is so fast, it doesn’t really have to go through such an analytical process to figure out which brain to use. I suppose it simply taps into one of the three centers of intelligence and starts using it. It all happens so subconsciously.
And that is perhaps where our conscious mind comes in. That’s when we ought to pause and force ourselves to consciously ‘ASK’ our other intelligence centers to contribute to the decision. That’s when we need to be aware of how we FEEL rather than just about what we THINK.
Maybe one of the brains will dominate your mind when you’re taking a decision. To put it in simpler terms, maybe your rational mind will appeal to you more, or maybe the rational mind may present a strong case to you, but your emotions will overpower the decision. Or maybe there won’t be any rational or emotional thinking and you may just be guided by a HUNCH or a GUTFEEL!
And that’s really fine.. as long as you give all your three brains a chance. And better still help them to network with each other and make them work as a TEAM! Sometimes decisions happen in a flash of a second. Completely on impulse. And if you’ve trained your mind enough to be ‘aware’ and use the ‘POWER OF THREE’, a flash of a second is all they’ll need to concur between themselves and guide you on the decision.
So next time someone tells you something like “I-know-what-I’m-doing-does-not-logically-make-sense-but-I’m-doing-it-because-my-heart-tells-me-to-do-it..” don’t dismiss him as someone who’s not using his brains. Maybe he is. All Three of them.
Don’t put off to tomorrow what you can do today.. is what everyone says. And I agree. Yet I procrastinate..so often. Like most people alive, it comes really easily to me! But there’s one thing I don’t procrastinate about.. living Life!
Life is far too precious for me to put off to tomorrow. But I did try.. mind you. Many years ago, I convinced myself that there are a million other things more important today than living my life. And I promised myself that I would live life to the fullest.. tomorrow! And I waited.. and waited.. and waited. But tomorrow never came! While I was busy working and worrying and fire-fighting, Life kept waiting for me.
As I climbed up the career ladder, tomorrow kept fading away from me. I had more work, more responsibilities, more challenges. “When I get a long vacation, I’ll find my space”, “When I have more money, I’ll be happy”, “What good is a solo Sunday? – When I get a full weekend, I’ll relax”.. In my anticipation for tomorrow, today became a big disappointment.
But not for long.. I finally ran out of patience. I decided, tomorrow is not worth waiting for.
Maybe tomorrow will be less stressful, more peaceful.. Maybe tomorrow the weather will be just fine. Maybe tomorrow my boss’s mood will be much better, maybe I can even finish work at 5.30! Maybe.. or maybe not..
What I do know is that today I CAN live my life. There’s no maybe in that. So I shifted my maybe from the ‘when’ to the ‘what’. And I realized there are so many things I could do today. Maybe I can call up an old friend. Maybe I can buy a bouquet for my wife. Maybe I can dance with my daughter. Or maybe I can go and talk to myself at the beach.
I have lived every day of my life as if it were my FIRST day (read about it here).. but I have also lived it as if it was my LAST. There are many people who scoff at me for having such a belief.. they say “why think of death?”.. but hey who’s talking of death?? I’m talking of Life! That’s my way of reminding myself, how precious life is.
So live your life today, while it lasts. Do something today, you promised to do tomorrow. Call your mom and thank her for bringing you into this world. Send an ‘I Love You’ sms to your wife. Think of a person you hate and forgive him in your mind. Or like I do.. eat one chocolate muffin for every good thing you did today! Or if you insist on working like a madman, do it, if that’s your idea of living Life. Do whatever.. but do it today, as long you love doing it.
I’m ending this post now. Got tons of things to do. Haven’t had enough of Life, today, you see! And I value my today. I really do. That’s the only reality that exists in my life. Tomorrow.. is an illusion.
We all want to be loved right? By our family, by our friends, our colleagues, our neighbors.. And so often we do get that love. We really do. Even if we don’t believe it! Question is, how much do WE really love OURSELVES? I would say most of us are so caught up in attracting attention, care and respect from others, we rarely stop to experience that beautiful feeling of love for ourselves – from within.
Much of this thinking is because of the conditioning we get from society around us. Society has always considered ‘giving’ to be a much bigger virtue than ‘receiving’. Love thy enemy, love thy neighbor, love thy family.. We do all that, and forget to love ourselves.
To the extent that so often we feel guilty of spending on ourselves, even if we need or deserve something. Even if there is nobody to question our decision. Sub-consciously there is always a feeling that tells us to suppress our desires and yet some part of us is fighting that feeling, wanting attention and care and quite often not getting it. We feel if we are seen to love ourselves we might get seen as self-centered or even selfish.
Our body and our mind are our biggest possessions, our biggest reality! We need to nurture them, care for them, give them all the love they need. Why wait for someone else to do that? What does someone else have to do with it? Why not do it ourselves? And why, for god’s sake, worry about what ‘others’ may think of us?
It’s important here to differentiate between people who are egoistic and those who have a healthy self-love. They are two different things altogether. Egoistic people always want to be the centre of attention, they crave to be heard. It seems to us like they love nothing but themselves; the reality is that they are insecure and are sub-consciously longing for love and respect.
Healthy self-love on the other hand is something you experience from within. You don’t broadcast it to the rest of humanity! You buy an expensive cell-phone because you want to gift it to yourself, you occasionally tell your husband you don’t feel like cooking that day because you feel like you deserve a break!
People who love themselves accept compliments gracefully. When you tell them “Congratulations! You deserved the victory”, they don’t say “Ah.. that was just luck..”. They say “Thank you. Yes I did”. Love yourself and you will find that people love you too. Tell yourself “I’m good for nothing” and the world will say “You’re right.”
High self-esteem, confidence, feelings of security, ambition, a hunger for success all come from a fundamental love for oneself. If that love is missing, it will show in our actions, and in our results. And most importantly, if we don’t know how to love ourselves, how can we expect us to be capable of loving others?
And when I’m talking of love, I mean unconditional love. I mean an unwavering love for yourself even when you’ve committed a big blunder, even when you’ve messed up an important relationship or a significant opportunity. I’m talking about passionately standing by yourself even when the whole world has given up on you. People who know how to genuinely love themselves, know how to forgive themselves. And how to learn from their mistakes and become better, stronger..
Love yourself truly and you will find balance in your life. Discipline, hard-work, relaxation, indulgence all will come into your life in the right proportions. Your sub-conscious mind will want you to have a little of everything. Your self-love will act like a thermostat. It will not let you have too much of work, nor too much of play. And the Universe will rearrange things to make it all work out for you.
But it has to begin with you. You ask the world to give you love, you might even get it. But to love yourself, nobody else can do it for you. It’s really very simple. Today, tell yourself “I love myself.” And feel it. Mean it. From your heart.
And see how the world falls in love with you.
I once read something really interesting about our brain. It is said that there is a powerful part of the brain, the Amygdala, that wants the world to run on routine, not change. Located within an ancient area of the mind that deals with the way you perceive and respond to the world, the Amygdala urges us to favor the familiar and routine. It craves control and safety, which at times can be vital. It dissuades you from embracing anything that involves risk, change, or growth. Your Amygdala wants you to be what you have been and stay just the way you are.
To me that looks like a very core reason why we humans tend to stay within our comfort zones. Actually we all know that we need to ‘break out of our comfort zones’, if we want to grow and prosper. Yet we find it so difficult to actually do so, either in our day to day actions or in the pursuit of our larger goals.
We tend to stick to jobs which make us feel comfortable. “Why change?”, we say, “everything’s going fine.. boss’s happy with my work, the timings suit me, I’m getting a decent salary…, the company’s doing okay..” We accept colleagues, friends, spouses who make us feel comfortable. Worse, we tend to shun away people who give us any advice that might mean moving out of our comfort zones. Many of us even go to the same restaurants every time and order the same items from the menu. Hell, we even tend to take the same route to our offices every day. Ever noticed how uncomfortable you feel when suddenly a traffic jam forces you to take an alternative route – even if that route is much less crowded!
I’ve seen people getting comfortable with pain and misery too! I’m sure you too have come across people who complain about their jobs.. they tell you how their company is such a miserable place to work.. they threaten to leave their jobs.. yet, a few years later you meet them and they’re in the same job and they have the same story to tell! They will suffer that misery, but somewhere they’re so comfortable with that whole environment, they find it easier to stick on, than venture out and explore new options!
A year ago, there was a debate in the real-estate company I was working in, over the choice of an Architect for a new residential project. The project was huge and the choice of Architect was critical. We debated for hours.. There was one set of people who felt that we should go with a ‘safe’ choice – an Architect who was local, who we had worked with before and was used to ‘our’ way of working. And there were others who felt we should explore someone completely different, who could bring in a fresh style and has a different way of working, even if it meant taking a ‘risk’. That day I realized that breaking out of one’s comfort zone can get really difficult. And that in any such tug of war, most organizations will tend to tread the safe path.
But whatever the world around you does, YOU can make a beginning. If you believe it helps. A friend once told me not WHY, but HOW it helps when you move out of your comfort zone. He used the concept of a comfort zone circle. Imagine the circle represents your comfort zone and you are faced with the option of doing something that’s just outside the boundaries of the circle. When you take that courageous step and take up such a task, you realize that it’s not as difficult or risky as you’d imagined it to be. Over time, you even become good at that task – that’s when you can say, the size of your comfort zone circle has increased. You keep doing things that are outside your comfort zone circle and the Universe will respond by increasing the size of that circle.
And I really believe this works. More often than not, I have always seen the Universe supporting me when I try something different. It doesn’t necessarily make my life easier, but it certainly makes it more purposeful and fulfilling.
And there’s no reason why the Universe won’t support YOU. Tell yourself that the Universe wants you to experience the abundance it has to offer. It is craving to show you that there’s so much more to Life than that tiny little circle of yours.
So do it today. Don’t wait for ‘someday’ to happen. Sure, take baby steps if that suits you. Crawl out of your comfort zone, if that makes you more comfortable! Believe that you can override that powerful force called the Amygdala. Just being aware of it will help! Go to the extent of making CHANGE, your most important habit! And pretty soon you’ll find that expanding that circle is on Autopilot. It’s worth it! Because, as they say, when you look back on Life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the one’s you did! Walk out of that circle. There’s no better time than NOW!
When I was 22 years old (that was nearly 17 years ago), I was not the same person I am today. I was shy, timid, weak (literally!) I remember I was on a train journey from Pune to Bangalore, a distance of over 600 miles. My first long distance journey alone! I was scared like hell! I thought the world was out there to cheat me. Barely a few hours into the 22 hour journey, a group of youngsters asked me to remove my suitcase from the ‘upper’ berth where I had kept it, as one of them wanted to have an afternoon nap on the berth. I refused! I pretended to be tough. The guys ganged up on me and threatened to offload me from the train. I surrendered but protested “You guys are bullying me” I told them, and asked myself “Why should this happen to me? It’s unfair..”
Many years later, I concluded that those guys were ‘Teachers’ in my life. They taught me when I should be tough and when to know my limits. They also taught me that there’s no point in trying to be tough for the sake of being tough. (In my case my ‘tough’ attitude was probably more out of fear than out of true protest.) An invaluable lesson it was, useful whether you’re on a train or off it!
Over the years, I started ‘noticing’ teachers everywhere. And they came in all shapes and sizes! The rash bus driver, the arrogant colleague, the lazy subordinate, the sleepy security guard, the naughty son, the possessive mother, the ungrateful friend, the committed jogger, the humble CEO, the nerdy neighbor, the honest vegetable vendor, the dishonest shopkeeper, the helpless beggar.. They all had a lesson to teach. And it always seemed that they came into my life primarily to give me that lesson.
Later I read, everyone who walks into your life is a teacher. Even if they drive you nuts they teach you because they show you where your limits are. Just because people are your teachers doesn’t mean you have to like them. Merely learning from them will do you a world of good.
Initially of course they were a bit hard to spot. They came and went from my life so discreetly. Sometimes they gave me a lesson without me even realizing that I got one. Sometimes they were there and the lesson was staring in my face, but I failed to see it.
But once you sensitize yourself to spot teachers, my goodness, you’re surrounded by them. No wonder then, the old Zen saying “The teacher arrives, when the student is ready.” When you tell yourself, “I’m committed to learning and change”, you’ll be surprised how your friends will lend you the right kind of books, you’ll stumble upon an inspiring article in an old magazine, you’ll bump into a stranger who will give you life-changing advice..
Question to ask yourself “Am I ready?”. I think you are! Look around, your best teacher is most probably sharing the same house as you!
What do you do when you’ve opened too many programs on your computer and it hangs? REBOOT IT! What’s the best thing to do when your phone’s memory is jammed by too many open applications? RESET IT!
What happens when you reboot/reset electronic devices? The unwanted data disappears from memory and the device starts functioning the way it was supposed to.
Many years back I had a boss who used to do exactly this. He used to start afresh. He used to RESET himself. EVERY SINGLE DAY! Every day he told himself – Today, is the first day of the rest of my Life! Every Day. And that was his Reset button. The moment he pressed that button, he forgot every negative, unpleasant thing that had happened to him till the day before. He had made it a habit to learn IMMEDIATELY from every mistake he made, because he knew that in a day’s time, the learning would stay (on his hard disk, you might say..) but the incident was going to vanish from his memory.
And trust me, like every other human being he used to have his share of ups and downs. He used to wake up with many of these negative emotions in the morning.
“I wish I had not said SUCH AND SUCH A THING yesterday.”
“I wish I had done SO AND SO THING yesterday.”
“I wish I had DONE better yesterday.”
Like all of us he was tempted to continue from where he had left off. But NO. Within seconds those feelings, those emotions vanished into thin air. As he resetted his mind. And told himself –
“Yesterday is History. Today is a fresh day.”
“I am not an inefficient person, because I couldn’t finish xyz things yesterday. That is who I WAS!”
“So what if I was excellent yesterday. Today, I will be a million times better.”
The result? Every morning, all he had was a huge archive of learning. Minus the baggage of fear, regret, jealousy, anxiety.. he never seemed to have any of these feelings cluttering and clogging up his memory. Imagine doing this every morning. You might think “I could go NUTS doing this!” But it helps. Over the years I started doing this myself. Well not exactly every day, but more frequently than most humans on earth. And it works. And thanks to this exercise I never have those feelings of “How I wish..”, “I could have..”, “I should have..”
Do you know which THREE things are LEAST important to a pilot?
Altitude ABOVE you!
Runway length BEHIND you!
Fuel BACK AT the airport!
So stop wasting your time and energy clogging up your mind with things that don’t matter. Learning is important. So learn. IMMEDIATELY. And then – HIT the reset button. Start your life afresh. EVERY SINGLE DAY. As I write this, I turn 39. And with an average life expectancy of 78 years in this country, I realize I’ve reached halfway mark in the marathon of Life. And I take a resolve once again. WHY on earth would I want my next 39 years to be similar to my last 39? How could I make them DRAMATICALLY different? I know.
Time to hit the RESET button. AGAIN.
There’s an awesome story I came across in Andrew Matthews’ book ‘Follow your Heart’.
There once lived a farmer. He had a son and a horse. One day the horse ran away and the neighbours came to the farmer to console him “What bad luck that your horse has run away!”
The farmer said “Who knows whether it’s good luck or bad luck?”
“Of course it’s bad luck!” said the neighbours.
A few days later, the farmer’s horse came back – with twenty more wild horses! The neighbours came to celebrate this time. “What good luck”, said they, “that your horse has come back with another twenty!”
“Who knows whether it’s good luck or bad luck?” replied the farmer.
And some of the neighbours, by now angry, said “Of course, it’s good luck, you silly old fool!”
One day, while the farmer’s son was riding one of the wild horses, he fell down and 
broke his leg. The neighbours felt sorry for him and told the farmer “What bad luck!”
And the farmer said “Who knows whether it’s good luck or bad luck?”
A couple of weeks later, the army came into their town and enlisted all the young men for a war in a distant land. All, except the farmer’s son thanks to his broken leg!
The neighbours said “What good luck you have…”
The farmer replied “Who knows!”
We can spend the rest of our lives trying to debate whether we’ve had good luck or bad luck, when most of the time we have no clue what’s really in store for us! Is there a need to label every unusual thing that happens in our lives as good luck or bad luck? Why not tell ourselves “My life is a series of events, happening in perfect order.” And better still, if you were to apply the law of attraction, you would say “Everything that happens in my life, everything, I ATTRACT into it. I create my life, as I go along. This luck thing is just an illusion.”
I know this can be all very confusing. There are people who are staunch believers in the luck factor. And there are those who aren’t. It really doesn’t matter what the world thinks. What matters is what you think!
I used to wonder “How come some people are always very lucky?” HOW, is it possible? After years of thinking, I finally concluded. They make their own luck. And so can you. If you think you can! Ask me. It’s easier than you think it is!
Are you caught up in the ‘SHOULD BE’ trap? I was. I always felt that things SHOULD happen the way I expected.
My clients SHOULD be reasonable.
My family SHOULD be more understanding.
My boss SHOULD be more sensitive.
My colleagues SHOULD be less jealous.
The traffic SHOULD follow lane discipline.
The neighbour’s dog SHOULD bark less at night.
The government SHOULD be more effective.
The weather SHOULD be ..
Tell you what.. The government owes you nothing. Your family owes you nothing. People NEED NOT change their behavior to suit you. You need to tell yourself. “It’ll be great if things happen the way I want them to, but if they don’t, DOESN’T MATTER! My happiness is not dependant on some nutty driver changing his driving habits. My happiness is a CHOICE, not a RESULT of someone else’s action.”
When you get too attached to how the world SHOULD function, you lose focus of your own self. And worse still, the more you expect of the world around you, the more it seems to get out of alignment with your expectations! At one level, there’s nothing wrong with expectation. It’s okay to be NOT SATISFIED with something. That is in fact what propels us into improvement in ourselves and the world around us. But there is surely a distinction between SATISFACTION and HAPPINESS. You can be NOT SATISFIED and yet be HAPPY. Both are choices you make. And they CAN coexist.
So next time you don’t like the food (or service) at a restaurant, tell yourself. “I’m not satisfied, but I don’t’ need this to be happy. I have DECIDED to be happy anyway.” You’ll realize that when you relax the boundaries of your expectations, the world becomes a lot easier to sort out. Your stress levels drop dramatically. And SURPRISE, SURPRISE, you might just find that the restaurant food has become tastier, the traffic’s not a nightmare anymore, your family doesn’t crib about your late working and your BOSS just sent you on a paid holiday!
How often have you heard someone telling you “I’m the type who likes to be busy.” Or “My house is always neat and tidy.” “I’m a class-topper.” Or even “I always play to win.”
The list can go on and on.. “I CAN NEVER…” ,“I’M TOO FINNICKY TO …”, “I’VE ALWAYS BEEN A…”,
You might think “What’s wrong in saying all that?” Problem is when we say such things we’re setting ourselves up. We tend to get so attached to that cute little story we’ve created for ourselves, we want that story to come true. Every single time. And when even once something that doesn’t conform to our story happens, we feel the heavens have collapsed on us! We feel lost, identityless!
I’ve seen people who live their stories all their lives. They carry their labels on them whether they change professions, cities, relationships..
We need to let go of these labels. We are human beings. Intelligent, versatile human beings with an ability to continuously learn, adapt and change. We all know that life is constantly dishing out newer and unpredictable challenges to us every now and then. Why then would you want to be the same person today as you were yesterday?
Someone might say “I’m a short-tempered person.” Well as long as he’s got that ‘SHORT-TEMPERED’ label on him, he’s bound to not change, or evolve. Ask yourself. Have I labeled myself in any way? If you have, why not shed those labels, you might just find that life’s a lot more relaxed without them. And nobody cares about your labels anyway.
Try something new today. Play football with your son. Try an exotic recipe. Read a financial newspaper. Go cycling. Go to a restaurant you’ve never tried. Dance till midnight. Don’t let the “I CAN’T, I’VE NEVER, I’M NOT THE TYPE WHO, I’M TOO OLD TO..” come in the way. Unlabel yourself. Remind yourself. “I can be whatever I want to be. Anytime. Anyday. Because I’m human.” You might just find that that’s all the label you’ll ever need!
“We are here to learn lessons, the world is our classroom and Life is our teacher”
– Andrew Matthews.
If there ever was one thought that changed my life, it is the quote above. This philosophy suddenly gave new meaning to my life. I started seeing sense in everything that was happening around me. I had always believed that every problem I was facing was an opportunity in disguise. What I now realized was that many of my problems were recurring, again and again, and I understood that I was stuck in the same class and Life was teaching me that lesson again and again simply because I had not yet learnt it completely.
As life goes by, a new set of problems unfold, new issues emerge and every day I learn a new lesson. And then I ask myself, ‘Doesn’t Life ever run out of lessons to teach, won’t these lessons ever end?’ Oh yes, they do end, when life ends. And as I embrace this philosophy, I find that there is no such thing as a problem! Everything is merely a fact, a situation, an event – it being a problem or not is a label we give it. And once we accept that and choose to believe that somewhere in that fact, situation or event there is a lesson for ourselves, all that anxiety, fear and other negative emotions that cloud our minds just dissipate and give way for yet another day of enrichment, enlightenment, fulfillment. Life becomes so much more enjoyable, every day seems like a great gift!
So join me in discovering the meaning Life gives to circumstances that keep unfolding around us and the continuous flow of lessons it keeps sending to us.. Welcome to the Classroom of Life!
